A look at the zany world of Westminster, with apologies to Sellers and Yeatman.
As we are at the end of another momentous year, it is obligatory to derive a quiz. So here is an exam paper for the post of Prime Minister
General examination on UK government and politics.
Those candidates able to answer three questions correctly will be shortlisted for the post of prime minister, those able to answer four or more questions may be suitable for a role in cleansing and hygiene.
Answer the following:
1. A general election is:
a. A rank in the Rwandan army.
b. A good thing.
c. Will of the people.
2. Which statement is true ?
a. Liz Truss was a competent prime minister.
b. The Supreme Court loved the Rwanda plan.
c. KCC has a plan to open more Household waste centres, but they are all in Rwanda.
( Answer: none of them, but in this lunatic asylum, anything might be believed by someone on social media)
3. HS2 is:
a. Half an HS1.
b. A long bike ride from Manchester.
c. A bad thing.
4. Complete the following statement:
“In ‘I am a celebrity, get me out of here 2023’, I think Nigel Farage should be made to eat … ”
5. Rwanda is:
a. A campsite off the M20 near Maidstone for those seeking a lifestyle choice.
b. A small landlocked country to the south of Finland.
c. A fulfilment centre not run by Amazon.
6. A silent majority is:
a. Silent but deadly.
b. When the MCC loses a cricket match.
c. A friend of Will of the people.
7. Suella Braverman’s first name is derived from what TV programme?
a. The Clangers.
b. 101 Dalmatians.
c. Shameless.
8. What is the new foreign secretary called ?
a. Lord Macaroon.
b. Lord Snooty.
c. Lord of Misrule.
9. Do you want to be Housing Minister?
a. Yes, but only until next week.
b. How many houses do I have to own?
c. Can I be sent to Northern Ireland instead?
10. Which is more likely?
a. The end of the world.
b. Nadine Dorries is elevated to the House of Lords.
c. Asylum seekers are sent to Rwanda.
11. Who is the most boring man in Britain?
a. Anyone who understands Brexit.
b. A pylon enthusiast.
c. Keir Starmer.
12. Which of these are mythical figures?
a. King Arthur.
b. Desperate Dan.
c. Rishi Sunak.
13. What is plan B?
a. It’s so secret I cannot tell you.
b. A plan to invade Greenland.
c. We don’t know because someone lost the key to the safe.
14. Do you believe in:
a. Ghosts.
b. UFO’s.
c. That £140m was spent on ‘community projects’ in Rwanda?
15. How many Tory MPs does it take to change a light bulb?
a. 40.The number of letters it takes to call an election for a new PM.
b. I don’t know.They never have light bulb moments.
c. None.They get their servants to do it.
16. How do you recruit a new foreign secretary?
a. By rubbishing your predecessors for the past 30 years.
b. Phoning up the Bullingdon Club.
c. Posting an advert on facebook local.
17. What is the supreme court?
a. A recipe for chicken.
b. A singing group.
c. The judges on ‘Strictly’.
18. The Movement is:
a. An organisation that got Brexit done again and again, mishandled Covid, and ruined the economy.
b. An eyesight testing centre in Barnard Castle.
c. What was found in the waste paper bins after a number 10 lockdown party.
19. Which one of these is a reliable source of news:
a. GB news.
b. The Daily mail.
c. The Beano.
d. The Hitler diaries.
20. This is a famous picture, what is it depicting?
a. A voter at the next general election.
b. What happens when Liz Truss is put in charge of the economy.
c. A picture by Tofu Wokerati.
