Neil Fegan spent more than two years caring for his wife Linda as dementia gradually took hold. Now, just six months after her death, Neil is sharing his story as part of The Widowed Collective’s new campaign for International Widows Day.
Neil, 71, who was born and raised in Sunbury-upon-Thames, met Linda in the early 1980s while they were both working for the same company. Neil worked on the sales and technical side of the business, while Linda worked in customer orders. Their friendship soon became something more and they married in 1985.
Over the following forty years they built a life together, raising a family, enjoying retirement and sharing the everyday routines that become second nature after decades together.
Neil said, “When you’ve been with somebody for forty years, they become part of everything. Linda was always there, we had our routines, our habits and our way of doing things. Looking back now, I realise how much of my life revolved around simply having her there.”
The gradual loss of a loved one
The first signs that something was wrong appeared in late 2023. Neil returned home from a meeting one afternoon to find Linda visibly upset because she could not remember where he had been. At first, the changes were subtle and easy to dismiss, they had been together for so long that many of the small differences could be explained away as normal ageing.
As the months passed, however, the changes became harder to ignore. After Christmas 2023, Neil persuaded Linda to visit their GP, who carried out tests and confirmed she was showing signs of dementia.
Over the following two years, Neil watched the condition slowly take away the woman he loved. Linda increasingly struggled with everyday tasks and conversations became more difficult. She would often lose track of what she was saying and eventually found it impossible to complete simple activities that had once been second nature.
Neil said, “You don’t lose the person overnight, you lose them bit by bit, and that’s incredibly hard to watch when it’s somebody you’ve spent your life with.
“One of the things that stayed with me was that Linda had smoked since she was in her twenties. Towards the end, she would put the wrong end of a cigarette in her mouth and try to light the other end. It sounds like a small thing, but moments like that showed how much the disease had changed her.”
Bearing the weight of the diagnosis
As Linda’s condition deteriorated, Neil became her full-time carer. He helped her up the stairs, assisted with everyday tasks, and gradually took responsibility for more and more aspects of daily life. By 2025, dementia had affected almost every part of Linda’s independence and Neil found himself providing support around the clock.
In September 2025, Linda suffered a seizure and was rushed to hospital by ambulance. After spending several weeks in hospital, she eventually returned home, where a hospital bed was installed and carers helped support her during the final weeks of her life, with Neil remaining by her side throughout.
By the end, Linda was confined to bed and required constant care. She died at home in December 2025 aged 80.
Neil said, “When Linda was alive, I was so busy caring for her that I didn’t really have time to think about how I was feeling. Everything was focused on helping her and making sure she was comfortable. When she died, I then went into automatic pilot. I called her sons, contacted the funeral directors and dealt with all the practical arrangements. Everything that needed doing got done because that’s what had to happen.”
In the days and weeks that followed, friends and family rallied around Neil. There were funeral arrangements to organise, visitors to see and practical matters to deal with. It was only after the funeral that the reality of widowhood truly hit.
Neil said, “The funeral wasn’t the hardest part, the hardest part was when everybody went home afterwards and I walked back into the house on my own. For the first time in forty years there was nobody there. No conversation, no television in the background, no one asking how my day had been, it was just silence. That was the moment it really hit me that Linda wasn’t coming back.”
Facing a new hurdle
Although Neil remains active in his local community, has friends, neighbours and a dog that he walks every day, he says loneliness remains one of the biggest challenges he faces.
“People see you during the day and assume you’re coping because you’re keeping busy. The reality is that the hardest times are first thing in the morning and later in the evening.
“At 6.30 in the morning I’m looking at four walls, and late at night I’m looking at the same four walls. Those are the moments when you really feel the absence of the person you’ve shared your life with.
“Nothing prepares you for that loneliness,” says Neil, “you can be surrounded by people and still feel it because what you’re missing is the one person who was always there.”
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International Widows Day – the importance of support
Neil, who now lives in Norfolk, says that is exactly why he wanted to support The Widowed Collective‘s Widowed And Forgotten campaign, which has launched to mark International Widows Day on 23rd June.
Neil said, “People are incredibly kind when someone first dies, but eventually life moves on for everyone else while you’re still trying to work out how to live without the person you’ve spent decades beside. That’s why campaigns like this matter, as widowhood isn’t just about grief, it’s about learning how to navigate the rest of your life without the person who was part of almost every aspect of it. If sharing my experience encourages somebody to pick up the phone to a widowed friend, invite them out for a coffee or simply check how they’re doing, then that’s worthwhile.”
Natalie Bolton, co-founder of The Widowed Collective, said, “One of the most common experiences we hear about from widows and widowers is not just grief, but loneliness. While support is often strongest immediately after a bereavement, many people find that support naturally fades over time even though their loss remains part of everyday life.
“Through the #WidowedAndForgotten campaign, we want to start a national conversation about the realities of widowhood and remind people that support, friendship and connection remain important long after the funeral flowers have disappeared.”
The Widowed Collective provides free peer-to-peer support for people who have lost a life partner. Through its online community, practical guidance, events and lived-experience support network, the organisation helps widows and widowers navigate life after loss and find connection with others who understand.
For more information about the #WidowedAndForgotten campaign, or to join The Widowed Collective for free, visit www.TheWidowedCollective.com
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This article is based on a press release from The Widowed Collective and edited by Kent and Surrey Bylines.
